Viktor Frankl’s Valentine

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It is the season of the heart.  The stores are filled with cards and candy and other assorted gifts designed to express love.  Some are sweet.  Some are sappy.  None are as profound as the words that follow.

“And as we stumbled on for miles, slipping on icy spots, supporting each other time and again, dragging one another up and onward, nothing was said, but we both knew: each of us was thinking of his wife. Occasionally I looked at the sky, where the stars were fading and the pink light of the morning was beginning to spread behind a dark bank of clouds. But my mind clung to my wife’s image, imagining it with an uncanny acuteness. I heard her answering me, saw her smile, her frank and encouraging look. Real or not, her look was then more luminous than the sun, which was beginning to rise.

A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth — that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love.

…I did not know whether my wife was alive, and I had no means of finding out (during all my prison life there was no outgoing or incoming mail); but at that moment it ceased to matter. There was no need for me to know; nothing could touch the strength of my love, my thoughts, and the image of my beloved.”

(From Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl)

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Learning from Richard Nixon

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Richard Nixon was born on this date 100 years ago.  He was as polarizing as any public figure we have ever seen.  To some, he was the personification of evil and a rabid right-winger.  Others remember him as a progressive whose domestic achievements would mark him as a liberal by the standards of today’s Republican Party.  He was the crook who had to relinquish the Presidency because of Watergate and the President who created the Environmental Protection Agency and the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, supported the Clean Air Act and affirmative action, increased Social Security benefits, and proposed a health reform package more comprehensive than anything we have seen since.  He was a complicated man with a complex legacy.

A few years back, Arthur Flemming gave me an insight into Nixon’s character.  Arthur knew Nixon well from the time they both served in Eisenhower’s cabinet – Nixon as Vice President and Flemming as Secretary of Health, Education and Welfare.  They were close enough that when Nixon began his first campaign for President, he asked for and received Flemming’s help.

Near the end of that campaign, Flemming found himself with Nixon in California.  The combination of Nixon’s strong showing there and a statement on Nixon’s behalf by President Eisenhower had drawn the election unpredictably close.  Both Nixon and Flemming knew the campaign was for all intents and purposes over.  As he considered the possibility that he might lose, Nixon fixed his attention on polling data showing a significant shift in his favor after President Eisenhower’s recent show of support.

“Maybe I should have asked Ike to get more involved in the campaign,” Nixon said, “but he is the President.  It didn’t seem appropriate for me to make demands on his time.”

When Nixon and Flemming parted they knew the election could go either way.  A week later, Flemming was in the Oval Office meeting with President Eisenhower.  The election was by then over and Nixon had lost one of the closest elections in history.

“It’s too bad,” Eisenhower said.  “I really think I could have helped him but it was his campaign.  Who was I to intrude?”

It’s the kind of thing that gives you pause.  Imagine how different the world would be if Nixon had been able to get beyond his insecurity and ask for Eisenhower’s help.  Would Kennedy have been elected? Would there have been a Bay of Pigs or Watergate?  Would there have been a space program?  Would men have walked on the moon?  Would  President Kennedy, his brother, Robert, or Martin Luther King have been assassinated?  Would there have been a Vietnam and the dark decade that followed?

There is no way to know, of course; but what is clear is that a simple, personal decision Nixon made at a critical point in time affected all of our lives and everything that followed.  Reverse it and much of modern history would unravel.

Nixon’ lesson is the realization that we are responsible for what we do not do as much as for what we do.  If all we do is try to avoid defeat, we can never claim victory.   To be happy, we must be willing to risk heartbreak.  To be blessed, we must risk being a fool – giving not getting, reaching out for the hand that may not be there, stepping out into the unknown with only faith to face fear.  The greatest regret in life is the knowledge that we may not have done all that we could have done with what we are given, the sense that we have never fully become ourselves.  The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing.

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Enjoy The Dance

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The dictionary defines dance as movement to music.  For Jacques d’ Amboise, it is more than that.  It is a metaphor for life.

Jacques was Balanchine’s protégé and star performer for 40 years.  It was widely assumed he would inherit Balanchine’s role as director of the New York City Ballet when he retired but to everyone’s surprise he decided to form his own company instead and teach children the meaning of art.

“The most important thing art teaches you is to forget the future,” he said.  “This is the only moment in time that exists.”

When I asked him to explain, he said, “Every performance is your first performance.  It is also your last.  You may dance tonight but who knows if you will ever dance again?  And tomorrow you’re a different person.  And the audience is never going to be the same.   So each performance is all there is.”

As we approach the end of this year, Jacques’ message is on my mind.  It leads me to my New Year’s resolution:  Live in the moment.  Make each moment rich and rewarding.

Today is the present.  Tomorrow is a gift.

Enjoy the dance.

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Peace

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After a week of profound sadness, comes words of comfort from a friend (Thank you, Christina).  Written 500 years ago, these words could not be more appropriate for this time and moment.

“There is nothing I can give you, which you have not; but there is much, very much, that while I cannot give you, you can take.

No heaven can come to us unless we find rest in today.  Take heaven!  No peace lies in the future, which is not hidden in the present instant.  Take peace!

The gloom of the world is but a shadow.  Behind it, yet within reach, is joy.  There is radiance and glory in the darkness could we but see, and to see, we have only to look.  I beseech you to look!

Life is so generous a giver, but we, judging its gifts by their covering, cast them away as ugly or heavy, or hard.  Remove the covering, and you will find beneath it, a living splendor, woven of love, by wisdom, with power.  Welcome it, grasp it, and you touch the angel’s hand that brings it to you.  Everything we call sorrow, or a duty, believe me the angel’s hand is there, and the wonder of an over-shadowing presence.  Our joys too, be not content with them as joys.  They, too, conceal diviner gifts.

And so at this time, I greet you.  Not quite as the world sends greetings, but with profound esteem and with the prayer that for you, now and forever, the day breaks, and the shadows flee away.”

 …Fra Giovanni, 1513 A. D.

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Heart Break at Sandy Hook

UnknownHow many times can the heart break?

Once for every child killed at Sandy Hook Elementary School.

Once for each of their parents.

Once for the children who survived but will have lives forever marked by this event.

Again for the six families that lost a father, mother, brother or sister.

And, yes, once more for the 20-year-old who leaves this day as his legacy.

As this is written, we still don’t know exactly what happened.  In truth, we may never know all of it.  Yet, on another level we already know everything that matters.

We know this is not an isolated event.  We know it is part of the fundamental test of humanity – the battle between love and hate.  It is as old as the Stone Age and as current as the acrimony reflected in our Presidential election and the conflicts in the Middle East.

There is nothing we can do for those in Sandy Hook.  There is no way to unwind this tragic day and make them whole.  There is something we can do to address the culture of hate and violence.  We can fight hate with love.  We can choose to add love to the world wherever and whenever possible.

Tonight, I will hug my son as long as he will allow.  I will hold on to my wife.  We will talk about our blessings and remind ourselves how fortunate we are.  We will pray for those whose hearts may never heal.

Tomorrow, I will begin again.

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